Renewal

An entry I wrote last fall:

I’ve been so overwhelmed with shame, kind of out of nowhere, and I’ve been feeling as though God is just going to give up on me. Even in my prayers, I feel that I can’t ask anything of Him because I am so unworthy. I feel like I can’t love myself and like no one else can either. But then I set aside time to really pray and be completely vulnerable with Him, knowing that of course I am unworthy, but that I can bring my messy self to Him anyway. Almost immediately after this I began seeing answered prayers, and I realized that He had already begun the work of renewal in my heart, before I had even asked Him. Below I’ve listed some of the truths He’s spoken to me today.

He’s begun to bring me back to a place of joy and hope in His salvation. He’s helped me to recognize and rejoice in His gift to me, and to do so freely and without condemnation.

He’s shown me that awareness of my own unworthiness should lead to humility, not shame.

He’s given me peace, allowing me to rest in the truth that He still loves me and isn’t giving up on me. Even when I don’t know how to pray as I should, the Holy Spirit intercedes for me. He’s reminded me to pray for His blessing on all that I do (including writing this devotion).

He’s led me to Jude 1:24-25. I randomly felt like reading this chapter, after which I opened a devotional that was written about these verses. I knew then that God truly was asking me to focus on this passage. In this He reminded me that He is the one who can make me stand, blameless and with great joy – the very things I had prayed for – in spite of my shortcomings.

How can I doubt His love for me and His presence actively moving in my life? This has been a great reminder that He really does care for me, that He pursues me and has patience with me. He doesn’t expect me to be perfect, because only He is. So I can give it all to Him and make room for Him to work in my life.

In this process, God has shown me that when we pray to Him, we must be expectant, excited to hear what He has to say. When we are obedient to His leading, humbling our hearts before Him, He will so often bless and renew us with comforting words like these.

Related Scripture

Jude 1:24-25

“Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.”