As some of you know, lately I’ve been in a kind of waiting period in my life. I went from having busy, filled-to-the-top days of school and work and social life, to slowing down and moving home, to slowing almost to a stop because of the pandemic. An outsider might conclude that I’m living the most boring, uneventful life on the planet (haha).
But that’s not the case. The last year or so has been filled-to-the-top in a very different way. I’m no longer rushing from one commitment to another, cramming as much in as I can. This year I have learned the value of rest and stillness, of obedient growth, of passion, and of intentionality.
Rest and stillness
I’ve learned that my peace and assurance is found in God alone. I’ve learned to be comfortable being still, no longer feeling the need to keep myself too busy to be alone with my insecurities. I’m making peace with my faults, not justifying them nor hiding from them. I’ve learned to be kinder to myself, to accept and prioritize my needs physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and to seek God’s power in my weakness.
Obedient growth
I’ve learned that my first goal needs to be growth – specifically, growth along the path that God has set out for me. I will simply waste my time striving to accomplish my own goals along my own timetable. The only lasting growth that I can achieve is that which is rooted in Christ and surrendered to His will. Because of this, I’ve learned the necessity of deep humility, of knowing that His ways are higher than my own. I want to be obedient, letting God’s power work in my life unhindered by fear, doubt, selfishness, or pride.
Passion
And I’ve learned that I want to be bold in my faith. To be passionate, confident, and unapologetic about what God is doing in my life. I want to be so filled with and consumed by love for God. I want my desires, my plans, and my actions to be shaped by Him, unaltered by the world or by my own temptations.
Intentionality
I’ve learned that an intentional life is what I desire. I want to be intentional in my relationships – to love others deeply, to extend mercy to them freely, and to bear their burdens. And I want to be intentional in my actions. I don’t want to look back at my life over the years and wonder why I actually chose to do what I did. I don’t want to overload myself with aimless goals that hold little meaning for my life. I don’t want to simply react to my circumstances or the expectations of others (or, for that matter, the expectations of myself). I want instead to exercise a more biblical autonomy over my life – to possess enough autonomy to take my life into my own hands and to promptly give it over to God.
The last year and a half have been an incredible blessing. If you had told me beforehand everything that would happen in the world and in my life, I would have said, Nope, I’ll pass on that, thanks though. But without this year, I would never have seen God work in the ways that He has. Even when my prayers are answered differently than I hope for, God’s grace is more than sufficient for me. He knows and longs to bless me even in (and maybe especially in) the situations that seem like anything but a blessing.
As I’ve made my way through this season, I’ve felt that God has been developing my faith for a purpose; my season of waiting has also been a season of preparation. I don’t yet know what it is that God is calling me towards. It may be that He calls me to a major, life-altering decision. More likely, He may call me simply to live in the knowledge of what He has taught me this year, to live an abundant life in Him. Maybe that’s the kind of life-altering decision God wants from me – the decision to seek Him first and to go forward, putting everything I have in His hands. Either way, I pray that He continues to prepare and equip me for what’s in store. As I anticipate moving out of this season and into a new one, I want to be intentional about maintaining a spirit of waiting on the Lord, a spirit of continually preparing myself for His will.
Lord, I am so humbled by Your faithfulness and presence in my life, and I am so excited for what You have planned for the future. Thank You for making a place for me within Your will. Help me to always hold a spirit of waiting on You, of preparing for the work You have for me to do. I commit myself to You; please do Your work in me.
Related Scripture
1 Peter 5:10
“After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.”
Philippians 1:6
“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 2:13
“for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.”
Lamentations 3:24-25
“‘The Lord is my portion’ says my soul, ‘Therefore I have hope in Him’. The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him.”
Psalm 25:4-5
“Make me know Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You I wait all the day.”
The Girl that Jesus Loved 