I’ve been thinking a lot about mercy lately, and I feel like it’s something that God is telling me to pay attention to. I’ve been convicted of the ways I am often not very forgiving, and I’ve felt that He wants to grow me in this area.
On the one hand, I have always felt merciful to a fault, frequently making excuses for others’ behavior and unwilling to stand up for myself. But, after those friendships have either reconciled or ended, these hurts often find their way back into my mind, leaving me feeling a little bitter.
Of course, it’s important to set boundaries at times, and there are relationships in which you can forgive yet still put distance between yourself and the other person. But I do have to wonder if I’ve actually forgiven all those who have hurt me, or if I’ve just momentarily forgotten about their actions.
Many times I’ve let things slide simply because I fear the consequences of addressing an issue. On the outside this may resemble mercy. However, I’ve begun to wonder if my unwillingness to hold others accountable for their wrongs against me is less about showing mercy towards them, and more about my own weakness in simply fearing conflict.
So, I’ve been asking God to show me what biblical mercy looks like. Any solution I come up with on my own will only be a flawed, broken sort of mercy – I want the mercy that fills the character of God.
When I look at the picture of forgiveness as demonstrated by God, it definitely seems as though what I’ve been doing falls short. He forgives us so wholeheartedly that He crossed over heaven and earth, life and death, to be reconciled to us.
And it’s not as though He made excuses for our sin, pretending it wasn’t that bad – He recognized the depravity of our sin in ways that we can’t even fathom, and He still chose to make a way for our salvation. Who am I then to hold bitterness towards someone for some insignificant slight, some careless word?
I will never know the weight of the pain that Jesus carried; yet in even the minor hurts that I experience in life, I have access through Him to the power of God helping me to forgive. I cannot have mercy towards others in this radical, self-sacrificial way without the help of the One who did it first. So I must be honest with God, asking Him to overcome my weaknesses and to give me the ability – and the desire – to forgive. I will be abundantly supplied by God to do what He has called me to do, to show mercy.
When thinking about forgiveness, I’m reminded of Ephesians 4:26-32. We are told to “be angry and yet do not sin”. So, there is clearly a space for Christians to be angry and hurt by others’ actions, yet to be so in a godly way.
Our emotions should never give way to bitterness or malice, but should instead be used to recognize the depth of our hurts so that we can hand them over to God in conscious forgiveness. Aware of the unfair rejection we’ve withstood at the hands of others, we can better understand the magnitude of our sin against God – and the magnitude of His mercy towards us.
Mercy is so necessary, not only so that we can maintain healthy relationships, but because we cannot risk allowing our anger to “give the devil an opportunity” or to “grieve the Holy Spirit of God”. It’s clear that there are some very serious consequences resulting from our grudges. By holding bitterness in our hearts, we push God’s will out of the way and give sin a chance to break our relationships even more than they’ve already been broken.
So, when we are wronged, we must remember to view others through God’s eyes – as broken, sinful people in need of mercy – and to leave our bitterness behind, choosing instead to edify and give grace to one another. We must forgive each other as Christ forgave us – sacrificially, wholly, lovingly.
Tim Keller wrote in one of my favorite books, A Prodigal God, about how God’s redemption plan was not dependent on our feelings of remorse or repentance – Jesus chose to die on the cross for us while we were still sinners, knowing that we may choose to accept Him or not. And in the midst of His crucifixion, He asked God to forgive those who mocked Him. In the same way we must be willing to forgive others even when they show no remorse for the way they’ve treated us.
Keller also wrote about how we often find it easy to forgive others who we feel are on our level of “goodness” because we can relate to them and to the mistakes they’ve made, as we’ve probably done the same. But we struggle to give grace to those who commit sins we think we would never do. In a way, we feel that we are above forgiving them.
But we must remember that we are not above any sin, and that while we may not have done whatever it is that’s been done to us, our pride makes us guilty still. And any sin, whether an action or a prideful feeling, separates us from right relationship with others and with God. So we must ask ourselves, is it worth it? Is it worth creating a distance between ourselves and God simply to hold on to a grudge?
As I’ve prayed over these things, I’ve come to the knowledge that I don’t want a mercy that is born out of weakness – my unwillingness to be vulnerable, my aversion to conflict, my desire to please. I want a mercy that is born out of power – the power found in the Holy Spirit. This power comes from the security and salvation I have found in God and from the recognition that I have all things in Christ, which means I have everything to give and nothing to lose.
Because God is generous in mercy towards me, I can be generous in mercy towards others. I pray that God will help me to do so, to overcome my weakness and to give me the ability and desire to forgive.
Lord, please help me to forgive wholeheartedly, unreservedly, not needing anything in return. To forgive only by the strength You give me, not by my temporary feelings and human abilities. Do a work in me and help me to forgive, just as You continually forgive me.
Related Scripture
Ephesians 4:26-32
“Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity…Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”
1 Peter 2:21-23
“For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously;”
James 1:20
“For the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.”
Luke 6:36-37
“Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned.”
1 John 4:11
“Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another”
Matthew 5:7
“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy”
The Girl that Jesus Loved 