Uncategorized – The Girl that Jesus Loved

2026: The Year of Big Prayers

As I look back over the last year and look forward to the next one, I’m reminded of how quick I am to underestimate what God can do, and how often He’s proven me wrong.

I can’t tell you how many times I saw Him do this in the past twelve months. There were times I prayed for a hope of mine to come to fruition, for a hard situation to be resolved, and for healing or a change of situation for someone in my life. In each of these, I kept trying to right-size my request and make sure I wasn’t asking too much. In theory I knew that anything was possible with God, but I regularly found myself praying for what I thought was realistic rather than what I truly hoped for (you can tell I haven’t conquered this habit yet, as this is not the first time I’ve written about this topic).

And yet, despite my doubting, in each of these situations God showed up and answered the actual desires of my heart, not the watered-down version that I gave Him.

Years ago when I was struggling a bit with my health, I thought I could only pray for healing on the small scale – God, don’t let my blood sugar get too low right now,or God, please keep me out of the hospital. I didn’t expect to get to a place where I could travel and exercise without issue, or be able to get the flu and not end up in the hospital, or be pain-free for such long stretches of time like I am now. I was praying small prayers back then, but God was answering big ones.

Plenty of times I asked God to help me find the right person – someone who would love me as Christ loves the Church, who would be a strong, kingdom-minded, spiritual leader in our home, who would be excited about joining me in what God has called me to and would be called to things that I can join him in as well. Even though I prayed for these and many more qualities in a future spouse, the temptation was always there to settle for less, because I thought I might be asking for too much. And yet, just three months from now I will get to marry the love of my life, who has been an answer to one very specific prayer after another (if you’re reading this, LJ, lova ya). I was praying big prayers, while tempted to pray smaller ones. But God was always planning on answering the big.

There were also times this year I asked God to help people in my life out of a bad – sometimes life-alteringly so – situation. In these moments, I prayed because I knew I should. But truthfully, I didn’t expect to see much, if anything, change. It seemed too difficult, too unlikely. Yet, each of those circumstances did a complete 180, thanks only to God. Once again I was praying small prayers, while God was answering big ones.

I think it’s natural to feel like we have to shrink our prayers and expectations. We’re human, and are so used to our own limitations that we forget our God is limitless. I know I have a tendency to assume that things will always stay exactly as they are; when I have one reality in front of me it’s hard to visualize any other.

It can also be hard to pray big prayers after disappointment. When we don’t get the answers we want, it feels safer to manage our expectations and not get our hopes up. When that person isn’t healed, or we lose that job, or life doesn’t look the way we wanted it to, it’s okay to feel the pain of that. God meets us in our grief just as much as He meets us in our joy. But praying smaller prayers doesn’t stop us from hurting when life is hard; it only stops us from experiencing the wonder that comes from seeing a prayer answered in supernatural specificity.

Something I need to ask myself is this: Did it seem realistic to the Israelites enslaved in Egypt that they would ever see freedom, or that Pharaoh would willingly let them go?

Did it seem realistic that God would split the sea in two, letting them walk through on dry land? Or that He would provide manna every day for forty years?

Did it seem realistic that Jesus would heal a sick woman simply by the touch of His cloak, or that He would cast out demons, or raise the dead?

Did it seem realistic that the Son of God would suffer, die, and be raised to life in order to give life to a fallen creation?

Thankfully, we don’t serve a God who is realistic. We serve a God who can’t be boxed in by our tiny expectations, who does the impossible like it’s nothing. Not only that, but we serve a God who delights in giving good gifts to His children.

So, in 2026, I’m challenging myself to pray bigger prayers.

God knows the desires of my heart anyway, so I might as well verbalize what I’m hoping for. And He is present whether I get the answers I want or not, which means I can pray without fear of disappointment, knowing that my true joy is found in Him.

I can especially pray with confidence if I’m asking for things that I know are in His will: that those around me would come to know Him, that they would be freed from sin and shame, that they would find spiritual healing and rest in their Savior. I can ask these things in faith, knowing that I’m aligned with the heart of the Father on this.

Maybe you want 2026 to be the year of praying big prayers for you, too. I’d encourage you to join me in this, and in looking ahead at the year to come with excitement and expectation.

Related Scripture

Ephesians 3:20-21

“Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us,to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.”

Exodus 12:31

Then [Pharaoh] called for Moses and Aaron at night and said, ‘Rise up, get out from among my people, both you and the sons of Israel; and go, worship the Lord, as you have said.'”

Exodus 14:10-14, 21-22

“As Pharaoh drew near, the sons of Israel looked, and behold, the Egyptians were marching after them, and they became very frightened; so the sons of Israel cried out to the Lord. Then they said to Moses, ‘Is it because there were no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? Why have you dealt with us in this way, bringing us out of Egypt? Is this not the word that we spoke to you in Egypt, saying, Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.’ But Moses said to the people, ‘Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the Lord which He will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you have seen today, you will never see them again forever. The Lord will fight for you while you keep silent’…Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea; and the Lord swept the sea back by a strong east wind all night and turned the sea into dry land, so the waters were divided. The sons of Israel went through the midst of the sea on the dry land, and the waters were like a wall to them on their right hand and on their left.’

Matthew 9:20-22

“And a woman who had been suffering from a hemorrhage for twelve years, came up behind Him and touched the fringe of His cloak; for she was saying to herself, ‘If I only touch His garment, I will get well.’ But Jesus turning and seeing her said, ‘Daughter, take courage; your faith has made you well.’ At once the woman was made well.”

Romans 8:26-28

“In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

Jeremiah 32:17

“Ah Lord God! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and by Your outstretched arm! Nothing is too difficult for You.”

Matthew 19:26

“And looking at them Jesus said to them, ‘With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.'”

Matthew 7:7-11

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!”

Psalm 66:19-20

“But certainly God has heard; He has given heed to the voice of my prayer.Blessed be God, who has not turned away my prayer nor His lovingkindness from me.”

David’s Mighty Men: Foreshadowing Faithful Believers

One of my favorite things to learn about in Scripture is the symbolism scattered throughout. There’s something about seeing a pattern repeated from the Old to the New Testament that helps me really grasp biblical concepts and that reminds me of God’s creativity in organizing the path of history the way that He has.

Recently, I spent some time learning about the lives of David and Saul through this lens. I’ll summarize that here!

As we know, Saul was the first king over Israel. God had given him that position of authority, but ultimately he squandered it due to his pride, rebelling against the Lord. Because of this, God rejected him from being king, and anointed David in his place.

However, David did not take possession of the kingdom right away. He waited until the right time, until Saul had died.

It’s important to note that as David waited, he wasn’t idle. He began gathering a group of “mighty men”, men who swore allegiance to him rather than to Saul and who would support him as he prepared to take the kingdom. And when David eventually ascended the throne, these mighty men were given positions of authority in his new kingdom.

So, now let’s take a look at what all this symbolizes.

We know that Satan, or Lucifer, was originally an angel of the Lord who had been given a level of dominion and rulership over the earth (though still under God’s sovereign rule). Satan is referred to in several verses as the temporary ruler or prince of this world (John 12:31, John 14:30, Ephesians 2:1-2, Luke 4:5-8).

But, due to his pride, he sought to exalt himself and rebelled against the Lord, resulting in his being rejected by God (Isaiah 14:12-15).

We also know that in the future, Jesus will set up His thousand-year Kingdom. But, that time has not come just yet. Following the pattern we see in the Saul/David relationship, God anoints a ruler (Jesus) who will ascend the throne after the previous one (Satan) has been done away with.

But just as in David’s story, this waiting period is not an idle one. Like David, Jesus is gathering His group of “mighty men”: believers who faithfully follow Him and swear their allegiance to Him rather than to the current and temporary ruler. And all of this is with a view to the end goal – to being rewarded with a position in His Kingdom.

Earlier this week I was reading 1 Chronicles 12, and I came across a list of these mighty men of David. What struck me about it was not just that their names were listed, but that they had qualifiers alongside them. Noted were the attributes that set them apart as worthy of being in David’s entourage. These characteristics were things like: being skilled with a shield and spear, being prepared for the task at hand, being knowledgeable and understanding of the times, and being undivided in heart and loyalty to David.

In reading this I noticed the implications for us. As believers, we are called to be skilled with weapons of spiritual warfare. We are called to be equipped for good works, prepared at any moment to give an account for the hope in us and for the second coming of our Lord. We are called to be shrewd and discerning. And we are called to be undivided in loyalty to our King, serving Him alone.

And why is this important to us? Because it’s all done with a view to being rewarded and to reigning alongside Jesus in His Kingdom (Colossians 3:23-25, Revelation 22:12, Revelation 5:10, Revelation 3:21). We must be faithful to our King, just as David’s men were faithful to him (Matthew 24:45-47, 1 Corinthians 3:12-15).

This is convicting – how often am I more preoccupied with the things of this present, broken kingdom than with the coming one? But it’s also encouraging – the Lord wants us to prove ourselves faithful to Him, and is actively at work preparing us for His Kingdom. Just as David’s men could look forward to the time when he replaced Saul as ruler and when their faithfulness would be rewarded, there’s something amazing and worthwhile for us to look forward to at the end of all of this as well!

Related Scripture

1 Chronicles 12:23-38

Now these are the numbers of the divisions equipped for war, who came to David at Hebron, to turn the kingdom of Saul to him, according to the word of the Lord. The sons of Judah who bore shield and spear were 6,800, equipped for war. Of the sons of Simeon, mighty men of valor for war, 7,100. Of the sons of Levi 4,600. Now Jehoiada was the leader of the house of Aaron, and with him were 3,700, also Zadok, a young man mighty of valor, and of his father’s house twenty-two captains. Of the sons of Benjamin, Saul’s kinsmen, 3,000; for until now the greatest part of them had kept their allegiance to the house of Saul. Of the sons of Ephraim 20,800, mighty men of valor, famous men in their fathers’ households. Of the half-tribe of Manasseh 18,000, who were designated by name to come and make David king. Of the sons of Issachar, men who understood the times, with knowledge of what Israel should do, their chiefs were two hundred; and all their kinsmen were at their command. Of Zebulun, there were 50,000 who went out in the army, who could draw up in battle formation with all kinds of weapons of war and helped David with an undivided heart. Of Naphtali there were 1,000 captains, and with them 37,000 with shield and spear. Of the Danites who could draw up in battle formation, there were 28,600. Of Asher there were 40,000 who went out in the army to draw up in battle formation. From the other side of the Jordan, of the Reubenites and the Gadites and of the half-tribe of Manasseh, there were 120,000 with all kinds of weapons of war for the battle. All these, being men of war who could draw up in battle formation, came to Hebron with a perfect heart to make David king over all Israel; and all the rest also of Israel were of one mind to make David king.

In the Moment

Recently I’ve noticed how strong the temptation is for me to want to rush ahead to the next season of life.

As soon as I cross one milestone I’m quick to think about my next goal, often getting impatient and considering whether or not I’m falling behind on my very arbitrary – and very linear – schedule. I try to predict how each step along the way should go, and leave very little room to enjoy watching God work out the details. Because of that, when one tiny element doesn’t go the way I decided it should, it’s easy to spiral out and decide the whole plan is derailed.

Sometimes, this what’s-next mindset comes from a lack of trust in the goodness of God’s plans and timing, or the faithfulness of His provision; it gives me a sense of control over a future that I haven’t actually submitted to Him. Other times, it actually comes from a place of excitement at what’s in store; I just want to hurry up and get there!

But I’m realizing that this impatience to get where I’m going can end up breeding discontentment in where I am.

It’s so important for me to learn to simply stay in the moment with the Lord in each season, just as He stays in the moment with me. After all, if I have some kind of vision of where I’m going, how much more so does the Lord? If I’m excited at the future plans He has for me, He is too. And if I’m feeling the desire to grow up in maturity and godly character, He wants that for me as well.

If anyone had an excuse for wanting to skip to the end, it would be the One who already knows what the end will look like.

And yet, despite His knowing exactly where I’m headed, He isn’t rushing things. He doesn’t jump ahead and drop me down wherever I’m going to end up. He is patient, walking alongside me with each step forward (and often, with a few steps backward).

I feel like there are so many examples to illustrate this in Scripture, but one that comes to mind is when Jesus was asked to heal Jairus’ daughter.

Of course, Jesus knew the end result – He was going to bring this little girl back to life. Now, the most time-efficient thing to do would have been to heal her from a distance; we know He could have done this, as we saw when He healed the centurion’s servant. But instead, He made the journey to Jairus’ house, interacted with the guests, entered the daughter’s room, and raised her from the dead. And all this time, everything He did was in Jairus’ presence.

Why would He bother with all of that, when He could have healed her in an instant? I’m sure there were a number of reasons, but what it boils down to is that while there was value in raising Jairus’ daughter back up, there must have also been value in being present with him for that stretch of time.

Maybe it was important for Him to minister to this grieving father as they walked. Maybe the time they spent together set Jairus up for a deeper relationship with Him, beyond simply receiving an answered prayer and then going about his life. Maybe there was something special about witnessing the disciples’ trusting relationship with Jesus firsthand. I don’t know what it was, but I know that the Lord does nothing without intention; if He made the decision to walk that road alongside Jairus, then I believe the result was better than if He had simply healed his daughter from afar.

All of this is to say that while the Lord sees value in the destination, it’s evident that He sees value in the journey too.

I believe that we’re meant to do the same.

When we’re in a hard or painful season and we just want out of it, we can patiently wait for the healing and sense of God-nearness that often comes most tangibly in the valley.

When we’re frustrated with our shortcomings and wish we could jump ahead to a better, more mature and well-rounded version of ourselves, we can give ourselves grace and trust the ongoing process of sanctification that the Lord is doing in us.

And when we’re excited about the future plans God has for our lives, but are having to wait on their fulfillment, we can take joy in this season and squeeze as much out of it as possible, rather than passively waiting for the next one. We can look forward to the future with hope and expectation – and begin each day right now with the same – because the God of our future is also the God of our present.

Related Scripture

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6)

“Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” (Psalm 46:10)

“But the Lord answered and said to her, ‘Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.’” (Luke 10:41-42)

“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing…But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:25, 33)

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

“I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait, and in His word do I hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than the watchmen for the morning; indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning.” (Psalm 130:5-6)

Prayer – The Answered and the Unanswered Kind

If you’re anything like me, it can be scary for you to pray really specific prayers. The thought that often goes through my head is “What if God doesn’t answer me? I don’t want to be disappointed, so I just won’t ask for this thing.”

But honestly, that’s pretty silly on my part. God wants us to ask Him for what we need, and He listens to our prayers. And I do believe that prayer makes a difference, that at specific times and in God’s wisdom He will intervene – either in our circumstances or in our hearts – based on our prayers.

So really, I shouldn’t be afraid to pray just because I might be disappointed. Instead, I should be afraid of missing out on the answers God could provide or the ways He wants to involve me in His plans, just because I was too afraid to ask. Think about the verse that says “you do not have because you do not ask”; doesn’t that indicate how important it is to just try and see what happens?

Now, there will be times when you pray and see God respond. But there will also be times when you pray and God doesn’t seem to answer, or doesn’t answer the way you want Him to. What then?

A while back I was praying for something, and I felt God nudging me, “But how will you respond if the answer is no?”

I had to really wrestle with that. If God didn’t answer me the way I wanted, how would I react? Would I lash out in anger at Him? Would I give up on prayer completely, deciding that He’s forgotten me or doesn’t care about me? Would I refuse to accept His answer and try to make it happen on my own?

If I were to respond in one of these ways, it’d be natural. But I have to remind myself that when the answer is no, it doesn’t mean that I prayed wrong, or that I’m not good enough for God to do what I want, or that He doesn’t care. The only thing it means is that the answer is no.

In Luke 11, Jesus teaches His disciples how to pray. In verses 9-10, He tells them that those who ask receive, and those who seek find, and those who knock have the door opened to them. Then right after that, He says the following:

“Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he? Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?”

I think one of the reasons Jesus says this right here is because not all of the answers we get from God are what we want. Think about Paul asking God to remove the thorn in his flesh, or even Jesus asking God to let the cup of suffering pass from Him before His crucifixion.

In those moments of disappointment, it would be easy for us to say “You said that those who ask would receive. Then why did I not get what I prayed for?” We might feel as though (to follow the analogy) we asked God for a fish or an egg, and were given a snake or a scorpion instead. And so I think it’s really perfect that Jesus says this here. He reminds us that no matter how unjust things seem to be, no matter how wronged we feel by our circumstances or by God, He is working on our behalf even still. He is providing for us and redeeming our most painful circumstances, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

One last thought – I think we can get it wrong when the answer is yes, too. We can get our desired answer from God and then begin thinking that we got it because we’re just so deserving of it. We can idolize the gift rather than the Giver. We can become entitled, thinking God owes us something.

So whenever we pray, we need to ask ourselves “What will I do, with either answer?”

If the answer is yes, we can thank God and humbly steward what He’s given us. If the answer is no, we can still worship Him for being good and for being the source of our strength to endure. And that frees us up to pray honestly and specifically for what is important to us; we can pray open-handed, knowing that no matter what answer we receive, we can trust the One who hears us.

Related Scripture

Luke 11:1-13

“It happened that while Jesus was praying in a certain place, after He had finished, one of His disciples said to Him, ‘Lord, teach us to pray just as John also taught his disciples.’And He said to them, ‘When you pray, say:

Father, hallowed be Your name.
Your kingdom come.
Give us each day our daily bread.
And forgive us our sins,
For we ourselves also forgive everyone who is indebted to us.
And lead us not into temptation.’

Then He said to them, ‘Suppose one of you has a friend, and goes to him at midnight and says to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves;for a friend of mine has come to me from a journey, and I have nothing to set before him’; and from inside he answers and says, ‘Do not bother me; the door has already been shut and my children and I are in bed; I cannot get up and give you anything.’ I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will get up and give him as much as he needs.

So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, it will be opened. Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he? Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he?If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?'”

James 4:2-3

“You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.”

1 John 5:14

“This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.”

Philippians 4:6-7

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

“Concerning [the thorn in my flesh] I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Seasons – Part 3, October 2023

Written on October 28, 2023

When writing my previous post, I found it hard to reflect on my words from the beginning of the year. It was difficult to look back on the hope and excitement I had in January, in light of the weariness and sadness of June.

But now, towards the end of the year, I’m experiencing something like the inverse of that when I reflect back on these posts.

The emotions I’m feeling now are not necessarily ones of dancing around for joy, but more of the relief you feel after a long, hard day when you’re finally able to rest. You’re tired and drained, and maybe a little worse for the wear, but you’re safe in the security of your home and are looking forward to the promise of comfort and renewal. That’s how I feel, right now.

I wrestled with a handful of hard things this year. I dealt with the grief and disappointment that comes when life doesn’t go as hoped, for myself and for others. I experienced a level of discontentment with my stage of life that’s pretty new to me. I felt acutely aware of my own faults and capacity for selfishness, and felt distant from and disillusioned in God’s plans for my life.

This season took a long time to pass; truthfully, I wasn’t sure that it would. But it did.

In the middle of all of this, I really started to struggle with trusting that God loved me. Which seems ridiculous, but in the noise of my own mind it felt true. I remember someone saying to me that God loved me and had good things in store for me, and while she was speaking I had such a tangible thought of “no, that’s not true”. And that moment really scared me, because until then I hadn’t realized how much that feeling had been working its way into my mind.

But recognizing that was the first step in starting to move past it.

I began to realize that I felt like joyfully accepting God’s mercy would be taking advantage of His unconditional love, because I was so unworthy of it. But what a way to ignore the entire point of the gospel! By projecting my own self-worth issues onto God’s character, I was completely devaluing the thing that should cause me to praise Him more. It’s only by recognizing my deep unworthiness – and the even deeper love of God – that I can view myself rightly in the eyes of my Savior.

Part of healing from that was speaking my thoughts outwardly – sometimes when you say a thing out loud you realize how ridiculous it sounds. By giving voice to these feelings, I was able to recognize just how theologically untrue they were, and how they didn’t reflect reality. They began to lose their power over me after that.

Another part of it was realizing how much God is at work in the lives of those I love. Lately I’ve felt particularly sensitive in my ability to see that, and it’s opened me up to see how God is at work in my own life, too. It’s as if I was blocked from comprehending His love for me, and so He used His love for others to circumvent my own walls.

I also heard someone say that when you’re in a really tough season and you don’t feel God’s presence, to ask Him to show you what He wants you to learn from that season and to make you aware of how He’s redeeming it. So I started writing down all the things I felt I’d learned from God over the last 6 or so months, and it shocked me. There was so much on that list! I’ve learned more in this period of time, without even realizing it, than in many other times in my life.

That was a huge revelation for me. I’d spent months feeling like I no longer had a sense of God in my life, that He had withdrawn from me because I wasn’t good enough, that I would never come back to that place and He would never work in my life again. And then suddenly I saw that He’d been there, working and patiently waiting for me to catch up, this entire time.

Sometimes, His voice is quiet, and it’s easy to miss it. Unlike the voices of the world, He doesn’t have to yell and make a scene to prove the truthfulness of what He says. But that means His voice can be easy to miss. When the narratives in my head or around me are loud and hard to ignore, it can feel like that’s all there is. But God’s still, small voice is there, speaking truth over me, and you.

So whatever season you’re in – whether it’s one of fruitfulness and excitement, or one of disappointment and rejection – I encourage you to keep anchoring back not to what you feel on any given day, but to what you know to be true.

Know that the Lord’s love for you is unfailing. He already knows you and still wants you, so don’t be afraid to be honest with Him. Let Him into the darkest parts of your mind, and don’t wait to fix yourself before opening yourself up to a relationship with Him.

Know that He has a purpose for you and is actively working in your life with a view towards that purpose, even when you don’t see it at the time.

Know that He understands your grief and bears it with you. He doesn’t promise to make things feel better right now, but He does promise to be there with you in the midst of it.

Know that those you love are loved by Him as well; they are held in His hands.

Know that He is faithful, even when you are faithless.

Know that it’s okay for obedience to be hard at times; Scripture is full of reminders to persevere. Remember that we already have the victory in Christ.

Know that Jesus is holy and just, but also tender, safe, and loving. He’s a friend to us. And His friendship is more constant, more faithful, than any we’d find in someone else.

Know that You can trust God’s provision, because He truly does hear and answer prayers. It may not always look like we expect, but He never stops working on our behalf.

Know that God is the source of our rest. He gave us prayer not to be burdensome, but to give us a way to connect with Him and to release our pain to Him. His yoke is easy and burden is light.
Know that He hasn’t given up on you. Wanting to know and obey God, or even wanting to want Him, is evidence that He’s not done working in you. Even if you haven’t felt those things in a while, He’s patiently waiting for you – not so He can say I told you so, or What took you so long? but to say Welcome home, beloved.

Related Scripture & Songs

Psalm 40:1-4

“I waited patiently for the Lord; and He reached down to me and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the mud; and He set my feet on a rock, making my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; many will see and fear and will trust in the Lord. How blessed is the man who has made the Lord his trust…”

Matthew 6:26

“Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?”

Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.”

Philippians 1:6

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work among you will complete it by the day of Christ Jesus.”

1 Peter 5:6-7, 10

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, having cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares about you…After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”

Manna – Chris Renzema

Promises – Maverick City Music

Deliverance – Strahan

Talking to Jesus – Elevation Worship & Maverick City Music

Seasons – Part 2, June 2023

Written on June 24, 2023

I wrote the previous post almost six months ago, and I’ll be honest, it’s a little hard to look back on. Since writing it, I’ve been in a season that’s been really difficult. I’ve felt pretty spiritually dry and have found myself reverting back to old thought patterns that I thought were behind me. I’ve often been overwhelmed with anxiety, with frustration at the pain I see others going through, and with sadness that the period of rich spiritual growth and continual joy that I once was in seems to be gone.

All in all, I’ve been really disappointed in myself for not holding onto that season more tightly. I think I had a subconscious expectation that things would always be good and easy from here on out, that I’d be on an upward trajectory forever with no bumps in the road, that I would never mess up. And it’s been hard to find that that’s not been the case. In a lot of ways, I feel that I’m grieving for those expectations I had for myself that I couldn’t meet.

Reading the previous post has reminded me to take my own advice, and wait it out. And not to exclude God from that waiting process. I need to proactively bring my prayers, my hard feelings and doubts, and my desires to Him. Waiting it out alone will lead me into despair; waiting it out in the presence of God will lead me into confident hope.

But this kind of waiting does not come naturally. It requires making a series of intentional shifts to say no to my natural instincts and to deliberately choose hope.

For example: in these times it’s natural for me to start striving, and to try to force myself back into a place of joy and passion. So instead, I’m going to choose to rest and abide in God.

It’s also natural for me to assume that the way I feel accurately represents reality, but that’s not the truth. The way I feel is subjective, and it fluctuates. I may not actively feel God’s presence all the time, but He is there nonetheless. So, I’m going to choose to anchor myself to the truth, not to my emotions.

And it’s natural for me to fall out of my rhythms of worship and prayer because I feel discouraged or unworthy. But I know that God is big enough to handle my struggles, and that He is committed to seeing me through them. So instead, I’m going to choose to stay in the room with Him and be honest with Him about where I am. I’m going to invite Him into this space and let Him do the work of renewing me.

A couple of things have comforted me in this season. The first is that I started re-reading The Screwtape Letters. If you haven’t read it, I recommend it!

The premise is that this demon (Screwtape) is giving another demon advice on how to trip Christians up (the point of the book being to remind us to be on guard against these tactics). In one chapter, Screwtape tells his reader that it’s natural for humans to experience fluctuation in all areas of their lives – in our work, our marriages, and our spiritual lives we all experience times of deep growth and satisfaction, as well as times of dryness and disappointment. Often we get into trouble when we expect our spiritual lives to be on a permanent upward trajectory, and then become disillusioned when they are not. Then we get into further trouble when we, as C.S. Lewis puts it, “work on the desperate design of recovering [our] old feelings by sheer will-power.”

He also writes about how God uses our spiritual low points to help us to grow and mature: “He wants [humans] to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles”. This was a needed reminder for me, to understand that God is present and patient even when I’m despairing.

The other comfort I’ve found is in thinking about the Psalms. When reading them straight through, it always grabs my attention when a psalm that’s so full of joy and testimonies of God’s faithfulness is immediately followed by one that’s despondent and asking where God is in the mess that he’s in. And usually right after that, there’s another psalm of hope and praise. (See that fluctuation again? We are all over the place!)

We could ask ourselves, why would the Bible include so many passages expressing the psalmist’s doubts and hopelessness? That doesn’t really seem like a selling point for Christianity. But I think the answer is to show us that we are not alone in our experiences of pain, sadness, or spiritual dryness. And, that we are not meant to deal with these things without God. We are meant to bring these things to Him, as He’s the only one who can actually give us the strength to endure.

And I do feel that I’m seeing these truths play out in my life right now. For a while I was just full of anger towards myself for finding myself in this season. I wasn’t really taking it to God, just grieving it by myself. But since I’ve started really wrestling with it and bringing it to Him, I’m actually learning things about myself and my faith, and about God. So even in the challenge, God is still redeeming this moment and using it for His purposes.

I can honestly say that this has been a hard season. It’s been a season of personal failure as well as uncontrollable and hard circumstances. It’s been a season of grief and frustration. But I believe that sometime in the future, I’ll be able to look back and see that it was also a season of growth – maybe of slower, quieter growth than I would have wanted, but maybe also of richer and more sustainable growth than I realized I needed.

Related Scripture & Songs

Psalm 46:10

“Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

Proverbs 3:5-8

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones.”

John 15:4-5

“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

“And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness’. Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.”

Philippians 2:13

“For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.”

Satisfied in You – The Sing Team

Storehouse – The Gray Havens

I Will Wait for You – Shane & Shane

Seasons – Part 1, January 2023

Written on January 1, 2023

Reflecting on this past year, I’ve seen how so many things in my life have changed over that time. And reflecting on the last 3 years, I’ve seen an even greater amount of change – change that was hard, but that I’m deeply grateful for.

I once wrote about how I felt that I was in a season of waiting. How God was preparing me for the next stage in my life, and I was impatient to get there. Early in 2022, I was feeling frustrated by how prolonged that season of waiting was becoming. It felt like I was never going to leave it.

And then about 6 months ago I flipped to an old page in my journal where I’d written a prayer at the beginning of the year, and I was shocked to see how many aspects of that prayer had been answered! I just hadn’t noticed God answering them, because He was doing so in subtle, incremental ways.

I can be very focused on immediate gratification in some ways – I pray for something, and if I don’t see progress on it within a few days, I feel like I must not have prayed right or God must not want to answer me. But God’s timeline is not my timeline. In the grand scheme of things, the 6 months I waited for answers to those prayers were so short – I just didn’t see it at the time.

So, without even noticing it, I believe I’ve walked into the season that God was preparing me for. So many of the things I’ve prayed for have come to fruition, and I feel so blessed.

This does not mean that everything is perfect – I have a lot of growing to do, and plenty of things I’m continuing to pray for. And this doesn’t mean things won’t ever be hard or frustrating again. But I simply want to celebrate the passing of one season and the transition to the next, being mindful of what I’ve learned.

One theme I’ve noticed this year is that there’s a lot of good to be found in simply waiting the hard times out. Naturally, we want the quick fix, to find the solution immediately or to have God answer us in real time. But this isn’t always how things work.

Now, there are hard seasons that we can change. Sometimes we need to repent of sin that’s holding us down. Other times, there are changes we can make to our circumstances. But there are also times when we’ve done all we can, and the season is still just hard. Maybe you’ve gone to the doctors, taken the medications, seen the therapists, but your mental or physical health still isn’t where you want it to be. Or maybe you’ve put yourself out there, entered into your relationships with open hands, and you still find yourself feeling lonely and without the core group of friends you’re longing for.

In those moments, my encouragement to you is to wait it out. To keep giving those things over to God in prayer, and to rest in His presence as you wait. That’s easier said than done. But, I think that many times the only way to get through a hard season is just to get through it, by the strength of the Father who loves us.

I think about how gardens have seasons of rich growth, but also times where nothing seems to be happening. Likewise, I don’t think that every season we experience has to be one of huge, noticeable growth. This isn’t to say we want seasons of backwards action; we don’t want to backslide. But, I think we can release the sense of pressure that makes us feel bad or worthless when we’re feeling a bit stagnant in our spiritual lives.

What I’ve found is that as long as I stay obedient and consistent in my spiritual disciplines, even when I don’t feel like it, I’ll eventually find my way out of that season and back into a season of growth.

So, I just want to encourage you all to wait the hard things out, and keep bringing it to God in the waiting. And I’d also encourage you to keep track of your prayers in some way. Just as I didn’t notice God answering my prayers until I looked back at them, you may find that God is showing up in your life in ways you didn’t realize or never expected! The truth is that He always is, whether we recognize it or not. And finally, I want to encourage you to know that no matter how prolonged a difficult or tedious season is, God has not forgotten about you.

Related Scriptures & Songs

Lamentations 3:24-26

“’The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘Therefore I have hope in Him’. The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him. It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the Lord.”

Jeremiah 17:7-8

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit.”

Ephesians 2:9-10

“For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.”

Seasons – Hillsong

Tend – Bethel Music, Emmy Rose

Let the Ground Rest – Chris Renzema

The Promises of God

It can be easy sometimes to lose sight of God’s promises.

Maybe we’ve let too much of the world in, and our worldview has shifted to one of anxiety. We’re so worried about things in the here and now, and so afraid of failure, rather than looking forward in hope to the future God has in store for us.

Or maybe we’ve allowed voices other than God’s to define us. Maybe we’ve listened too much to the opinions of those around us – or ourselves – and that’s caused us to forget who we are in Christ.

Or maybe we’ve been disappointed. Maybe we haven’t seen our prayers answered, or they’ve been answered in the negative. Maybe we can’t understand why God would allow things to go the way they did, and so we doubt His care for us or protection over our lives.

Whatever it looks like, fixing our eyes on anything but the promises of God is dangerous for us. The common thread defining each of these scenarios is that by losing sight of God’s promises, we lose sight of truth. We start to see things through a distorted lens, and we become molded by a false reality.

So, it’s incredibly important to keep anchoring back to the truth. Whatever we find ourselves thinking or feeling, it has to fall in step with the truth of what God says about Himself, about this world, about each of us. Anything outside of that is not worth building our foundation on.

I’ve recognized this in myself lately – a tendency to assume that whatever I’m feeling must be true, just because it feels true. So if I’m feeling unworthy of love or forgiveness, I must be unloved and unforgiven. If I’m not feeling a deep sense of God’s presence, it must be because God isn’t listening to me.

But I know that those things aren’t true. I know that God is for me, and that He is faithful to forgive me. I know that Jesus loves me enough to die for me, knowing every sin and shortcoming I have. I know that He is present with me in every circumstance.

So, why in the world would I want to base who I am and what I do on feelings that are so clearly untrue? Why not instead let my character, my values, my goals, my decisions, my friendships, my career, my entire life be shaped by what I know to be true about the character of my God and His plans for me?

There are certain promises that mean a lot to me right now, but I know there are also so many more throughout Scripture! So, I’ve asked those in my community to share with me the promises of God that speak the most to them, and I’ve added them below. I’d encourage you to find a promise or two that directly counteract lies you’re being told by the world (or maybe even by yourself). Then, when you’re tempted to believe those lies, anchor to the promises that God tells you instead. Our God is faithful, and we can have confidence that whatever He says is true and will be fulfilled.

Some of the Promises of God:

He makes us free, and no one can take that freedom away from us.

“So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed.” (John 8:36)

True & full rest is found in Him.

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will gives you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

He freely gives us what we need – wisdom, strength, etc.

“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5)
“And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)

When we confess our sins, He forgives us readily. He knew our sins and shortcomings long before we existed, and He chose to die for us anyway.

“If we confess our sins He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

He supplements our weaknesses, interceding on our behalf.

“In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” (Romans 8:26)

He promises to provide and to restore. He gives peace in the midst of chaos.

“Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.” (Isaiah 40:31)
“Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for You are my praise.” (Jeremiah 17:14)
“And He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)

He has a plan for the future that is good, and we don’t have to doubt His faithfulness to us.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.’ (Jeremiah 29:11)
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

He will be with us wherever we go.

“Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. With Your counsel You will guide me, and afterward receive me to glory.” (Psalm 73:23-24)
“The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” (Deuteronomy 31:8)

He is doing a good and sanctifying work in us, and is committed to its completion.

“After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.” (1 Peter 5:10)
“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6)

Life is not going to be easy, but He is always there with us to strengthen us.

“…In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
“And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.'” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

We are loved and valued. He created us with care and intentionality, each uniquely designed to reflect Him.

“For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully. and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have see my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.” (Psalm 139:13-16)

He hears us when we call to Him.

“In my distress. I called upon the Lord, and cried to my God for help; He heard my voice out of His temple, and my cry for help before Him came into His ears.” (Psalm 18:6)

We can stand clean and uncondemned before Him.

“Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord…Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.” (Romans 7:24-8:2)
“Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)

We already have the victory in Him.

“For whatever is born of God overcomes the world; and this is the victory that has overcome the world – our faith.” (1 John 5:4)

He gives life abundantly.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10)

He has reserved a place in heaven for us.

“In My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.” (John 14:2-3)

The Apostle Peter: A Story of Rejection & Redemption

I have to admit, I love the story of Peter. I love how he’s always saying what everyone else is thinking, and how he’s a little all over the place (relatable). I also love his love for Jesus, and how God was able to use him to build the early church.

But let me tell you, it can be a hard thing when you start to relate to Peter a little too much. Here’s what I mean by that.

Peter walked with Jesus for years. He was in Jesus’ inner circle, and knew Him as well as any human knew Him. And he loved Jesus, deeply!

But despite this, he messed up in a way that seems pretty hard to come back from.

Can you imagine how it felt to be Peter, when he’d denied Jesus for the third time? Luke 22:61 says that at that very moment, “The Lord turned and looked at Peter”.

To have done the very thing you said you wouldn’t, to have denied the one you loved and believed in and had followed for years, and then to stare into his saddened, yet loving eyes in the very moment of your betrayal of Him….To be immediately faced with the knowledge of the pain you’re causing Him…That would have to be gut-wrenching.

But maybe you don’t have to imagine. Maybe you have felt the shame of knowing you’ve betrayed the one who saved you. Maybe, despite having a genuine love for and relationship with Jesus, despite knowing you’ve been saved from so much and saved for a purpose, you’ve made deliberate decisions to reject His will in favor of your own.

If that’s true for you, you’re not alone. But honestly, that doesn’t make it hurt any less. Sometimes it feels like you can’t come back from the mistakes you’ve made, that God can’t or won’t love you, or that He’ll leave you.

Often, the narrative in our heads looks like this:

I should’ve known better. And I do know better. God has blessed me in so many ways, and how do I respond? By making the conscious choice to serve myself and to turn from Him? It’s inexcusable.

Lord, I know that You love me, but I honestly don’t see how You could or why You should. I’m bringing nothing to the table but brokenness and betrayal of You.

How could I ever deserve Your grace? How could I ever accept your forgiveness? I deserve to feel terrible about myself.

But let’s look back at Peter’s story.

After Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection, He’s sitting down for breakfast with a few of His disciples, Peter included. Mirroring Peter’s three denials, Jesus asks Peter a question three times.

Do you love me?

Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.

Do you love me?

Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.

Do you love me?

Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.

Once again, gut-wrenching. But Jesus asks these questions without malice. He acknowledges Peter’s failure, not making excuses for it or pretending it never happened. He makes space for Peter to grieve over it. But after each response from Peter, Jesus says, Shepherd my sheep. He gives Peter the chance to recommit himself to Him, and reconciles him to his future calling of building up His church.

Honestly if I were Peter, I’d be absolutely dumbfounded, thinking there is no way that after the inexcusable rejection I’ve committed, that I could even be allowed in Jesus’ crowd. But now He wants me to lead His church?

So let’s put ourselves in Peter’s shoes, because the Jesus who loves Peter is the same Jesus who loves us.

He loves us so deeply, gives us grace so freely, and is fully committed to our sanctification. Which means that He’s not going to ignore our sin or pretend it’s not a big deal. But if we let Him, He’s going to take our lives – the good and the bad – and redeem them for His glory. Our past mistakes don’t have to exclude us from His future plans.

And you know what? I bet Peter had so much more gratefulness in his heart for Jesus’ forgiveness than he would’ve had otherwise. The depth of his grief over sin made way for him to experience the depth of Jesus’ mercy.

I know that when I’m feeling particularly low about my sins and shortcomings, I can get into a pattern of feeling that God could never really love me, or that I can’t accept His love and forgiveness. And I feel like I have to prove (to God, or to myself) that I’m good enough to deserve His grace.

But imagine if, when Jesus forgave Peter and told him to shepherd His church, Peter said, You know, I think I’ll pass. I feel too bad about myself and don’t believe you when you say you love me. I think you should find someone better to do your work.

Wouldn’t that have been absolutely ridiculous?

Or imagine if a friend of mine gave me an amazing gift that required a ton of sacrifice and was completely unearned on my part. And then if, instead of responding with gratefulness, I spent the rest of my life trying to prove to them that I actually deserved the gift they gave me. That’d be really weird, and kind of rude.

Why, when offered grace so freely, would we then try to earn it, or reject it until we feel worthy of it? When we’re given something amazing that we don’t deserve, the only appropriate response is gratefulness, humility, and joy.

So, if we find ourselves relating a little too closely with the broken parts of Peter’s story, let’s just remember that we also get to relate to the redeemed parts of his story in equal measure. Once forgiven we can live freely, confidently stepping into who God has called us to be, without being hindered by shame or regret.

Related Scripture

Luke 22:56-62

“And a servant-girl, seeing [Peter] as he sat in the firelight and looking intently at him, said, ‘This man was with [Jesus] too.’But he denied it, saying, ‘Woman, I do not know Him.’ A little later, another saw him and said, ‘You are one of them too!’ But Peter said, ‘Man, I am not!’ After about an hour had passed, another man began to insist, saying, ‘Certainly this man also was with Him, for he is a Galilean too.’ But Peter said, ‘Man, I do not know what you are talking about.’ Immediately, while he was still speaking, a rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how He had told him, ‘Before a rooster crows today, you will deny Me three times.’ And he went out and wept bitterly.”

John 21:15-17

“So when they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, ‘Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these?’ He said to Him, ‘Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.’ He said to him, ‘Tend My lambs.’ He said to him again a second time, ‘Simon, son of John, do you love Me?’ He said to Him, ‘Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.’ He said to him, ‘Shepherd My sheep.’ He said to him the third time, ‘Simon, son of John, do you love Me?’ Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, ‘Do you love Me?’ And he said to Him, ‘Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Tend My sheep.'”

Luke 7:41-47

“‘A moneylender had two debtors: one owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty.When they were unable to repay, he graciously forgave them both. So which of them will love him more?’ Simon answered and said, ‘I suppose the one whom he forgave more.’ And He said to him, ‘You have judged correctly.'”

1 John 1:9

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

2 Timothy 1:9

“[God] has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was granted us in Christ Jesus from all eternity,”

Philippians 2:13

“For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.”

Nothing to Prove

It can be hard to find the balance between faith and works sometimes.

Theoretically, I know what the truth is – that we are saved by faith alone, and nothing we do changes that. And that our works of obedience are meant to result from our faith, for the purpose of our sanctification. That God wants us to obey, and is pleased with us and rewards us when we do, but that He won’t stop loving us when we don’t.

But practically, it’s a little harder for me to grasp. It’s just so easy to shift from a mentality of I’m doing these things because I love God and want to obey Him, into a mentality of I’m doing these things because I won’t feel worthy of God’s love if I don’t.

All too often, especially after I’ve made a mistake or have become especially aware of my sinfulness, I feel like I have to keep my distance from God until I can “prove” my worthiness again, and then I can feel good enough to talk to Him, to seek His will, etc. And every time, I become aware of just how counterproductive that is. Distancing myself from the only one who empowers me to be holy has got to be the dumbest way to try to be holy out there – and yet here I am doing it all the time!

And I think part of the reason I struggle with that is because I know that sin grieves God, and I know that He’s just and doesn’t excuse it. I know that if we’re living in unrepentant sin, we’re separating ourselves from the good will that God has for us and are harming our relationship with Him.

But, I think the key word there is unrepentant.

Yes, God is just to punish sin. But God’s justness is appeased in Jesus’ atoning death. And so while our sin grieves Him, and there often are consequences for it, He is truly faithful to forgive us when we ask. Micah 7:18 and Isaiah 30:18 say that He delights in unchanging love, and that He longs to be gracious to us.

While we remain unrepentant about our sin, we actively choose to put our own desires above God. And He won’t force us; He’ll let us have our way as long as we reject His will. But the minute we repent, giving our sin over to God and re-submitting ourselves to Him, He makes us clean and casts the guilt of our sin far away.

There have been times I’ve asked myself, Can it really be that easy? But it is! And that’s something to be thankful for.

Something I recently realized is that when I’m striving and trying so hard to be worthy of God’s love in my own effort, I’m actually robbing God of the gratitude that He’s due.

Imagine if you did something kind for someone, for no reason other than your love for them. And then, imagine they spent every day trying to prove how much they deserved what you did for them, instead of just being thankful for your kindness. Wouldn’t that take all the fun out of it? It would make what you did for them a transaction rather than a sweet act of love.

So, whenever I start to feel myself drift towards working to prove my worthiness, I’m going to intentionally shift instead to a mentality of gratefulness. Because when I’m full of gratitude for how much love and mercy I’ve been shown despite my unworthiness, I can then operate from a place of trust and rest, rather than striving.

And everything I’ve said here can be true for you too! There is literally nothing we could possibly do to prove our worthiness, because we’re never going to be worthy of God’s love. But there’s also no need for us to prove our worthiness, because we’re already loved in full. We have nothing to prove – all we need to do is accept what’s being freely offered, and let God do His work in us.

Related Scripture

Isaiah 30:15, 18

“For thus the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has said, ‘In repentance and rest you will be saved, In quietness and trust is your strength’…Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; how blessed are all those who long for Him.”

Micah 7:18-19

“Who is a God like You, who pardons iniquity And passes over the rebellious act of the remnant of His possession? He does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in unchanging love. He will again have compassion on us; He will tread our iniquities under foot. Yes, You will cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.”

Ephesians 2:8-10

“For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.”

1 John 1:9

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”